The Canterville Ghost - script

Scene 1   Calling the Family

На сцене – семья Отисов. Близнецы играют с конструктором, старшая дочь рисует. Отец семейства приходит с сообщением о покупке. Семья – в недоумении.

Mr Otis: Dear, I have got news for you!!.

Mrs Otis: Really???What do you mean?

Mr Otis: Pack your bags, we’re moving to England! Our ship leaves on July 4^th. They say the house is haunted by a dreadful ghost.

Mrs Otis: You must be joking!!!

Mr Otis:No, not a bit.

Mrs Otis: oh, no! You are driving me crazy, honey! You’ve bought a house with a ghost?

Mr Otis: yes, and there is nothing to worry about. I must go now. (выходит)

Mrs Otis: We’re leaving on July 4^th to leave in a haunted house in England.

Lewis: With a real live ghost?

Clark: Cool! I wonder if he’ll like fire crackers?

Washington: I assure you, there are no such things as ghosts. They violate all sorts of natural laws.

Virginia: Isn’t July 4^th tomorrow?

Washington: Very nice of father, we get to see one last patriotic fireworks display before we leave.

Virginia: Tomorrow?

Lewis: Mother, isn’t July 4^th tomorrow?

Mrs Otis: What?!

Washington: Good point, Lewis.

Mrs Otis: We’re supposed to leave tomorrow? Your father is a lunatic! Washington, get the crates from the attic! Virginia, pack the silverware. Boys, just try not to blow anything up between now and tomorrow! Move, move!

Все лихорадочно собирают вещи для отъезда в Англию.

Scene 2   Touring the Chase

На сцене появляется семья Отисов, озираясь по сторонам и переговариваясь. Им навстречу выходит Джеймс.

James: I bid you welcome to Canterville Chase.

Mr Otis: Good day, James. Let me introduce you to my family. This is my wife, Mrs Lucretia Otis.

Mrs Otis: Shakes hands.

Mr Otis: This is my eldest son, Washington. Named after the fine intrepid American President…

Mrs Otis: … George Washington.

Washington: : Shakes hands.

Mr Otis: This is my daughter, Virginia. Named after the fine intrepid American State, Virginia.

Virginia: : Shakes hands.

Mr Otis: And those are the twins. They are named Lewis and Clark - named after those fine, intrepid American explorers.

Mrs Otis: Say hi to James.

Lewis: Hi James, where is the fridge? I’m thirsty!

Clark: Hey, funny hat you have there!

James: Let me show you all around.

James: This is the door to the kitchen next to the fireplace. This is the beautiful mahogany paneling. This is the antique settee – made of 400 year old teak.

Virginia: Mother! Look at this, it looks like something was spilled on the rug here.

Mrs Otis: Oh dear, it looks like blood.

James: Yes, it’s blood from Elanore de Canterville. She was murdered there about 300 years ago. This table here is a 450 year old, made from walnut. And look at this elegant brocade on the chair.  

Mrs Otis: That’s horrible!

James: No, it’s the finest brocade, Madam, brought all the way from France.

Virginia: No, no! The rug! Somebody was killed there?

James: Yes, Sir Simon de Canterville killed his wife there. Look at the fine craftsmanship around the chimney…

Mrs Otis: Pardon me, but who is this Simon, guy?

James: Oh, just a relation of my employers. That’s him on the wall. He hasn’t been seen since he killed Elanore.

Mrs Otis: James, remove that ghastly man from our wall at once!

Lewis: Probably dead by now.

Clark: Yeah,  I bet that’s why he haunted the place. Sir Simon! Sir Simon! Where are you hiding, you coward? Come out and show yourself!

Lewis: Yeah, and we’ve got fire crackers!

Mrs Otis: Do be quiet, Lewis and Clark!

James: I wouldn’t concern yourself too much. He mostly only likes to play tricks nowadays. Now do come and sit on this sofa. It has some of the best eiderdown…

Washington: Just give me a second to remove this stain.

James: Oh, I wouldn’t. It can’t be removed, Sir Simon simply won’t permit it. It’s one of his little tricks.

Washington: Nonsense! There’s nothing Pinkerton’s Champion Stain Remover and Paragon Detergent can’t clean up!

Lewis: Let’s go and find the ghost!

Clark: Yeah, let’s go and grab our pea shooters and scare him!

Mrs Otis: Be careful, boys!

Близнецы выбегают со сцены, раздаётся звук битого стекла. Джеймс падает в обморок.

Mrs Otis: Oh, dear, what can we do with a butler who faints?

Mr Otis: We’ll have to dock wages. He won’t faint after that.

Джеймс быстро вскакивает и продолжает, как ни в чём не бывало.

James: Sorry about that. Now let me continue my tour. Look at the fine grain in this old chair here. And this fine bookcase here made of 100% genuine English rosewood. And…

Mr Otis: Yes, very nice, James. Now, if you excuse us, we are all very tired. Good night.

James: Of course. I’m sorry for keeping you. Good night.

Scene 3   Sir Simon Appears

Появляется привидение, гремя цепями.

Sir Simon: Who do this people think they are? They walk in here like they own the place, leave their stuff all about, remove my family portraits, and remove my bloodstain. And that’s just on the first day!

Sir Simon: I’ve kept this bloodstain here for 300 years, 11 months, and 15 days now, and I’m not about to let a few Americans ruin my reputation.

Sir Simon: Yes, I must evict these people. I will send them scarring to find the next ship back to America.

Mr Otis: My dear Sir. I really must insist that you oil those chains. It’s quite impossible for us to sleep with such an awful racket going on here. Therefore, I have brought you a bottle of Tammany Rising Sun Lubricator for that purpose. I’m happy to supply you with more, should you need it.

Sir Simon: Who do these barbarians think they are?! It is my right to moan and haunt and make horrible noises! Why, I have haunted these halls for more than…

Lewis: Boo!

Clark: Ha, got you!

Scene 4   Evicting the Ghost

Вирджиния пытается уговорить привидение.

Virginia: You poor, poor ghost, I’m so sorry for you. My brothers are going back to school tomorrow, and then, if you behave yourself, no one will bother you.

Sir Simon: It is absurd asking me to behave myself, quite absurd. I must rattle my chains, replenish my bloodstains, and walk about the night. It’s my only reason for existing.

Virginia: It is no reason at all to exist, and you know you’ve been very wicked. James told us you killed your wife.

Sir Simon: I admit I did it – but it was simply a family matter, and concerned no one else.

Virginia: Doesn’t matter, it’s still wrong to kill anybody. Well, good bye then. I will go and ask father to get the twins an extra week’s holiday.

Sir Simon: Please don’t go, Miss Virginia, don’t go. I am so lonely and tired. I want to sleep and I cannot.

Virginia: That’s quite absurd. You simply have to go to bed and blow out the candle. It’s sometimes very difficult to keep awake, but there’s never any difficulty going to sleep. Why, even babies know how to do that, and they are not very clever.

Sir Simon: I haven’t slept for over 300 years, and I am so tired.

Virginia: Did you inscribe the verse etched in the library windowsill?

Sir Simon: Yes, I did.

Virginia: When a golden girl can win

                 Prayer from out the lips of sin

                 When the barren almond bears

 Sir Simon: I know, I know.

Virginia: And a little child gives away its tears

                 Then shall all the house be still

                 And peace come to Canterville

В ту секунду, когда она произносит последнюю строку заклинания, на сцене появляется группа привидений, которые окружают Сэра Саймона.

Voices: Go back, little Virginia! Go back!

Voices: Beware, little Virginia, beware! We may never see you again.

Sir Simon: Quick, quick, or it will be too late!

Voices: Turn back while you can!

Voices: Leave, now!

Sir Simon: Hurry!

Scene 5   The End

Вся семья в глубочайшем недоумении и беспокойстве выходит на сцену, где стоит взволнованная Вирджиния.

Mrs Otis: Virginia! Where were you? We were so worried!

Virginia: I was with Sir Simon.

Washington: That ghost! Are you all right?

Virginia: I’m fine!

Mr Otis: Sir Simon? Is he alive?

Virginia: He’s fine. He’s finally free now, he’s been forgiven.

Clark: Look! The bloodstain!

Washington: Remarkable!

Mr Otis: Is he … dead?

Washington: The stain, it’s gone!

Virginia: Yes, he is dead forever now.

Mr Otis: It’s almost 12, let’s go to bed. We can discuss this in detail in the morning. Good night, everyone!